I was talking to a friend about how i thought 'this is so unfair, i was doing great before i hit another rock bottom' but he said 'no, it's good actually, knowing that
you're still alive'. He's got a point. I mean, i've been through this so many times. Those goodbyes, letting go, heartache, feeling upset, pain and betrayal, I just need to switch my mind so it will encourage myself to be strong and just walk on by. I keep telling myself that it's for the best, and best thing that will happened is that i'll grow thicker skin. Then i went to church and a youth ministry two days in a row, the preachers were preaching about 'Being strong and take courage', it hits me hard.
There are always choices whenever we are dealing with pain, is to grieve and grieve endlessly, or to just get back up again, face it, get over it, move on. I guess i'm taking the second option. Whats done IS done. Even all the damage is done. I shall not blame anyone, coz whatever happened already happened. So it's a new challenge of finding myself in the crowded feelings inside. And I only know one way to get there, is by surrender completely to God. Two days in a row i've listened about being strong, courage, Love and faith-ful. I bet those are the answers for me. Get back on my feet and push it through.
I know me pretty well. My friends said i'm very expressive. When I'm happy, sad, angry or depressed, everyone can tell. I just don't hide feelings. So i've been having my grieving moment, but I guess I can't do this too long. The clock is ticking, there are so many blessings that i didn't realized happens around me, I need to focus on that, and back to living this life to the fullest. Although some perspective had changed, but you are seeing a stronger woman standing here, and none of you can bring me down again. I won't let you.
luv,
Cee.
www.mypsychodelicmind.wordpress.com and www.cherylmarella.tumblr.com
