Thursday, August 20, 2015

A reminder i'm a badass!

“It’s not your fault that you’re fucked up. It’s your fault if you stay fucked up.. “ –Jen Sincero OK, so as a person, no matter how much I preach about being content and centered, I occasionally still have bad days. You know, when everything don’t go as you wish, and everyone is annoying, or on the more extreme case, you feel the world just came crashing down. And as a go getter, when things like that happened, I kinda beat myself up. For a few days I amazingly was unable to control my mind. So I just shut down. I knew if I meet people in this headspace, I either gonna be such an annoying bitch, and I don’t want people to catch that vibe from me. And in that shutting down moment, had I found myself back. I took a moment to meditate and asked myself two of the most important questions: How do I fix this? What will I do so things like this won’t happen again? (Thank you Matthew Hussey!) In the craziness of breaking out of my comfort zone, settling down in a new country, trying to get the rhythm, overwhelmed and having a best friend of mine back home not talking to me at the same time for a reason I don’t know what, and just too many stuff going on, for a split second I found myself forgetting these: I need to love myself first and do the things I love. Oh how I have been abandoning this. Too busy settling in and chasing this and that, and I forgot I need a chill break, to workout, to eat healthy, to sleep in a decent time, etc. I need to manage my expectations. I have set a timeline, and as life goes, there are so many things I missed out on ticking off of the list. That bothers me. But what I forgot is the quote that I used to hold on to for dear life, best said by Deepak Chopra: ‘In my life nothing goes wrong. When things seem to not meet my expectations, I let go of how I think things should be. It’s a matter of not having any attachment to any fixed outcome’. So sometimes things might gonna go slow when I want fast, or fast when I want slow, it doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t really matter now. I have so many friends and family that love me. I got an afternoon voice note from one of my best friend back home, apparently I hook one of my friend from New York to some friends back home in Jakarta. They met at a dinner, and talked about me. That’s why one of them sent me a voice note saying “We all just met, we like your friend! And we were all talking about you. I’m amazed that I heard nothing bad about you. The words I head were kind, smart, funny, warm, and how your friends said that they adore you, they love you! I can tell that they really do! We all love you, so you better be happy there!” I am writing this with a humble heart feeling so blessed and loved. How dare I forgot how much I’m worth, only to be reminded that from my friends! I need to detach myself from everything. This comes as a combo with expectations. Each time we got too attached to anything or anyone, there will be expectations. To your job, to your friends, to your significant others, to your ( ..insert any kind of things here). I have learned, that we can love everything without attachment. And one of the things I forgot to detach lately was my ego. Now that I know I should, I feel so much better. With the ego on the side, I can finally see that things are only a problem when we let it be a problem. I guess this will be the answer to ‘unfucked up’ the things on my end. Hopefully this piece can help you if you were in the same situations. It’s time to go back on the horse and kick some ass!

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