Thursday, August 20, 2015

A reminder i'm a badass!

“It’s not your fault that you’re fucked up. It’s your fault if you stay fucked up.. “ –Jen Sincero OK, so as a person, no matter how much I preach about being content and centered, I occasionally still have bad days. You know, when everything don’t go as you wish, and everyone is annoying, or on the more extreme case, you feel the world just came crashing down. And as a go getter, when things like that happened, I kinda beat myself up. For a few days I amazingly was unable to control my mind. So I just shut down. I knew if I meet people in this headspace, I either gonna be such an annoying bitch, and I don’t want people to catch that vibe from me. And in that shutting down moment, had I found myself back. I took a moment to meditate and asked myself two of the most important questions: How do I fix this? What will I do so things like this won’t happen again? (Thank you Matthew Hussey!) In the craziness of breaking out of my comfort zone, settling down in a new country, trying to get the rhythm, overwhelmed and having a best friend of mine back home not talking to me at the same time for a reason I don’t know what, and just too many stuff going on, for a split second I found myself forgetting these: I need to love myself first and do the things I love. Oh how I have been abandoning this. Too busy settling in and chasing this and that, and I forgot I need a chill break, to workout, to eat healthy, to sleep in a decent time, etc. I need to manage my expectations. I have set a timeline, and as life goes, there are so many things I missed out on ticking off of the list. That bothers me. But what I forgot is the quote that I used to hold on to for dear life, best said by Deepak Chopra: ‘In my life nothing goes wrong. When things seem to not meet my expectations, I let go of how I think things should be. It’s a matter of not having any attachment to any fixed outcome’. So sometimes things might gonna go slow when I want fast, or fast when I want slow, it doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t really matter now. I have so many friends and family that love me. I got an afternoon voice note from one of my best friend back home, apparently I hook one of my friend from New York to some friends back home in Jakarta. They met at a dinner, and talked about me. That’s why one of them sent me a voice note saying “We all just met, we like your friend! And we were all talking about you. I’m amazed that I heard nothing bad about you. The words I head were kind, smart, funny, warm, and how your friends said that they adore you, they love you! I can tell that they really do! We all love you, so you better be happy there!” I am writing this with a humble heart feeling so blessed and loved. How dare I forgot how much I’m worth, only to be reminded that from my friends! I need to detach myself from everything. This comes as a combo with expectations. Each time we got too attached to anything or anyone, there will be expectations. To your job, to your friends, to your significant others, to your ( ..insert any kind of things here). I have learned, that we can love everything without attachment. And one of the things I forgot to detach lately was my ego. Now that I know I should, I feel so much better. With the ego on the side, I can finally see that things are only a problem when we let it be a problem. I guess this will be the answer to ‘unfucked up’ the things on my end. Hopefully this piece can help you if you were in the same situations. It’s time to go back on the horse and kick some ass!

Thursday, July 9, 2015

A kiss on my hand

Oh how it's time to dig some feelings up. I was reading something online that says 'There were times when a kiss on a hand is enough' suddenly that line sends shivers to my bones. How I remember that moment. Cruising in his car, summer time, listening to music, and I was jokingly offering my hand for him to bite (in a cute way, biting is his thing lol), but then instead of a bite, he took my hand and kissed it. There was a pause there. And I just smiled. As he did too. Then we were back to listening to some tunes, and ride around the block to kill time before the others jumped in. It was a pretty damn good memory. What. a. man. :)

Monday, May 11, 2015

The savior to a hungry night!

What to do when 14045 is unavailable to be ordered? Here's my situation. 3 orang cewek nginep di rumah gue karena subuh-subuh kita mau berangkat ke pulau. The thing is, there was no food at home, asisten rumah tangga juga lagi pulang kampung. Gilanya lagi, kami, si 3 cewek itu nggak ada yang bisa masak. Sekalinya kita bisa masak mie instan, gue perutnya alergi sama mie instan, jadi proposal mie instan dari Veve gue tolak. "Yah elah lo, udah laper aja masih picky!" Veve ngomel-ngomel. "Ya gimana, nggak lucu besok kita di boat gue sakit perut!" Tapi tiba-tiba Jackie muncul dengan solusi brilian. "Lo berdua nggak ada yang punya foodpanda?" katanya sambil megang-megang handphone. "Apaan deh foodpanda?" Begitu dikasih liat app-nya, kita semua langsung rebutan milih resto buat di orderin. Karena ternyata segampang itu! Bisa pilih area, tergantung kita lagi ada dimana. So cool! Dan malam itu, we decided to order a lot! lol

Thursday, January 15, 2015

New Year New Journey

When the clock hits 12am on January 1st year 2015, that's when I know I can no longer wait to do something long overdue. Leaving the country. Crazy as it sounds, but that's exactly what I need at the moment. So with all my might, I am making it happen. That would be the only resolution. I am going back to travelling the world while learning something new. It's gonna be 3 new resolutions in one move. If you asked me if I'm scared, the answer would be: Yes and No. A few country I'm gonna go would be Australia, Spain, Holland, Italy, England, and maybe will end up in Bali. But i'm excited for diving to the unknown. I don't know what's gonna happened, whether i'm gonna make it or not, but i'm so gonna try!
So 2015, here we go! /